I was on Scruff the other day chatting with a buddy of mine, reading his instant messages bemoaning the fact that he can’t get laid and there’s nobody out there for him anymore.

But, since my dance card is full (to overflowing) I couldn’t relate to what he was writing at all since he’s a middle aged, masculine, alpha, top guy like me but in better shape physically and much more handsome than I.

I think his problem isn’t that he ‘can’t get laid’ so much as he still sees himself as the wide-eyed, innocent, lithe young man he ‘was’ (evidenced by the fact that he still shows much younger pictures of himself in his profile) instead of embracing the full bodied, worldly man he ‘is’ today.

He’s still trying to attract the men that wanted him in his youth, oblivious of the fact that the youth are now attracted to him (along with a varied mix of other ‘types’ of men).

The type of men that wanted him when he was young still exist-they’re just fucking boys that really are young-not men that still wish they were.

There are all kinds of men out there for him; young, old, muscled, thick, fat, thin, top, bottom, ugly, hot and they come in a rainbow of colors and sizes so there’s more than enough to choose from-he just has to be pragmatic.

So it’s hard for me to understand my friend and the desperation that seems to permeate the profiles and exchanges on I see on “Social Media”-or the ‘fuck sites’ as I call Grindr, Manhunt, Growlr, Jack’d, Scruff to name a few.

My thought is that everybody has an ‘audience’ (that group of people that find you fuckable) and if you’re patient enough (or lucky enough) they will find you-or you them.

All that to say that everyone (including me and my friend) has to adjust, compromise and widen our perceptions and possibilities of who we thought would be out there; desirous of our time and attention.

The trick is to recognize your fans and “follow the roar of the applause”, chances are the clapping is coming from the audience that’s meant for you.